Helping is Healing - a Reminder to Ourselves
By Bob Spensley
When we turn on the news we’re seeing war. When we look at how COVID is doing, uncertainties remain. There are more than enough reasons to feel stress; for most of us it’s both from far away and close to home. We know chronic worrying causes the stress chemistry inside us to build up which negatively impacts our immune systems, our sleep, our regulation, and our relationships. While there are a lot of stressors we can’t do much about, thankfully there are some ways we can influence our state of mind.
When we make room for conscious living, for most of us it is within our control what ideas are bouncing around in our heads and how we respond to situations around us. Given that oxytocin is the antidote to cortisol – it is our love chemicals that reduce our stress chemicals – during times of stress it’s logical to lean towards doing things that increase the generation of oxytocin, like helping other people in need. Helping is healing, for all the people involved.
This month particularly, we are seeing a lot of people stepping forward. THANK YOU to all those who are doing this - volunteering, supporting others who are asking for help, and listening to those who need an ear and a heart.
Acting out of concern for the well-being of other people (altruism), without expecting anything in return, is truly inspiring and motivates others to do the same. It’s only half the story of what’s going on though. As Kim describes in "Conversations with a Rattlesnake: Raw and Honest Reflections on Healing and Trauma”, helping others ultimately helps the helper, too. Starting with our DNA, here’s her summary of the science that backs this up:
“Kim: Okay. Well, remember DNA is the code within your cells that makes you who you are and unique from everybody else. Every time a cell in your body divides and makes a new cell (which is happening all day long), your DNA is exposed to all the chemistry inside your body. When the replicating strands of DNA are chronically exposed to stress and anxiety chemicals, your DNA gets worn down. This wear and tear makes it harder for you to cope with life’s challenges and increases your body’s potential to disease over time. On the other hand, when you engage in helping, feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin float around in your bloodstream. These chemicals turn on the parts of your DNA that help you to become resilient, healthier, and better able to cope with stress. Although it might seem like doing nice things for others is only altruistic, ultimately we are helping ourselves greatly in the process.”
In these particularly stressful times, here are a few ways I’ve seen people helping others:
- In the Ukraine, an international group of volunteers Kim is working with are coordinating many levels of supports for both refugees and people who are remaining. In particular, funds are being raised for ambulances to get those in medical need to safety, mostly at this time into Poland. Here is info that speaks to their ongoing effort and it's heart-warming to witness that this group’s other voluntary therapy and training related activities are expanding.
- In our extended family, my brother Kevin and his Ukrainian wife Elena were recently interviewed on their local Vermont TV to help explain the political situation. After being part of an all-consuming group effort to get family members to safety, they are now involved in supporting an initiative set up by local people Elena’s known since grade school who are right now in the middle of struggles around Odessa. Here is a paypal site they set up to get food, warm clothes, medicine and first aid supplies to those who most need them including the elderly and disabled.
- In Australia, we have a dear OT colleague who is supporting children and families who are directly impacted by the ongoing flooding. Kaya Lyons was interviewed by Kim this week, talking about the situation there and how others can also help through a camp she’ll soon be offering - you can watch their talk in this link. In the past days in some places, we’re hearing the flooding has gotten worse.
Stressful situations, inspiring grass-roots volunteer responses. These are just 3 examples; there are many more you can all think of where people are stepping up to try to reduce other people’s suffering. Each of them encourages us that we can make a little difference. If anyone’s called to check out the links above in detail and see if those initiatives might bring meaning for you to be a part of too, please feel welcome.
The message is that doing something helpful (which most of us are capable of), rather than sitting around worrying (which all of us are capable of), brings some level of health and hope, right away. When we can, and we help others wherever and however we do, the person whose chemistry changes for the better first is our own.
Kim adds that helping doesn’t mean necessarily fixing, “Sometimes the best we can do is listen without saying a thing.”
Our close friend Lobsang Phuntsok (from Jhamtse Gatsal in remote India) explains there are three forms of generosity:
1) giving money
2) giving time
3) giving kindness in the smallest of ways
And that #3 may be doing the most to bring peace and joy and health to this challenged world.