The Complexity and Nuance of Neurodivergence
By Kim Barthel
Featuring reflections from Nikki Smit, “Neurodivergent OT”, in this 2nd video interview with Nikki here.
The language around neurodiversity continues to evolve, and with it, so does our understanding of what it means to live authentically as a neurodivergent person. Yet as Nikki reminds us, changing terminology doesn’t necessarily change personal suffering. Labels, whether embraced or resisted, never capture the full depth of a person’s lived experience.
Holding Opposites: Acceptance and the Desire to Evolve
Nikki describes the duality of holding the tension between acceptance and growth, being in connection with how our nervous systems are wired while still wanting to evolve. Acceptance isn’t passive; it involves being with what is, including the full range of emotions that arise in that process.
As humans, our instinct is often to move away from discomfort. Ironically, that resistance can keep discomfort stuck longer. Nikki describes the journey toward acceptance as a titrated experience, not a single act of surrender but a gradual process of connecting in small doses to what hurts, again and again, until safety grows around it.
The Power of Co-Regulation and Compassion
Sometimes compassion needs to come from the outside before it can become self-compassion. When someone holds our pain with us, they help create a container for safety, a place where healing can begin. From this safety, curiosity can replace judgment, allowing us to approach neurodivergence not as a set of problems to fix but as ways of being to understand.
Beyond the “Superpower” Narrative
Popular conversations about neurodivergence often celebrate it as a “superpower.” While this perspective aims to uplift, it can unintentionally bypass and dismiss the real challenges individuals and families face. The truth lies in the middle: there are genuine gifts and very real struggles. Holding both truths at once is part of the work, part of combining dignity and mutual connection
The Subtlety of Change
Healing doesn’t always look dramatic. Many of the most important shifts are quiet, internal, and unseen. Recognizing even the smallest change, a pause before a reaction, a softer inner voice is a way of titrating toward wholeness.
Society’s pull toward neuro-normativity can make this work even harder. Diagnoses, bringing language and direction and sometimes funding, can bring relief and belonging for some. But they are, as Nikki puts it, simply “a collection of observations” that are useful, but not definitive.
Masking, too, is part of this complexity, the mismatch between the inner world and what others see. Emerging research in biometrics may one day help bridge that gap, deepening our capacity to support inner physiological states rather than just behaviour.
The Limits of Online Conversations
In digital spaces, complex ideas often get compressed into short, shareable clips. Algorithms reward simplicity and sensation, yet concepts like neurodivergence require patience and nuance. As Nikki points out, this compression risks losing the humanity and context so vital to authentic understanding.
To “evolve” is not to move beyond a diagnosis, but to move toward our fullest, truest selves. Growth and acceptance are not opposites — they coexist in a shared space of dialogue, where new awareness can emerge moment by moment.
Closing Reflections
The journey of neurodivergence and of being human asks us to stay with paradox: to accept what is while holding hope for what can become. It’s about compassion, connection, and courage in the face of discomfort.
For more of these thoughtful reflections, you can find Nikki Smit on Instagram @nikkismittherapy where she brings complexity into compassionate focus, helping all of us deepen our collective understanding of what it means to be human. A mobile occupational therapist based in Singapore, her website is www.projectplay.sg.